Business Finds

Stepping Up

On some level, you must see how silly your fears really are… and how utterly lame it is to let them have any say in how you live your life.

What’s the big deal about walking up to a stranger and trying to start a conversation? What’s the worst outcome? They might be rude to you and reject you? Oooohhh… so scary!

What about public speaking? Is it really the end of the world if you screw up and embarrass yourself in front of a group of people? So what? Life goes on…

What if you adopt a lifestyle that causes other people to disapprove of you? Who cares? Why should that bother you at all? It’s your life to live.

Can you imagine what your life would be like if you had a lot more courage — the courage to face your fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of success, and fear of embarrassment? Imagine what it would be like to move forward in spite of fear instead of hesitating, rationalizing, and making excuses. Hesitation doesn’t create results. Courageous action does. Having a viable excuse isn’t even in the same ballpark as achieving a desired result.

At some point in your life, you may say to yourself, “Enough with this. I’m sick and tired of being ruled by these stupid fears. I’m going to do whatever it takes to squash them!”

You may not want to hear this, but courage is essential for long-term growth. You can hammer away at taking in more information, but eventually you’re going to have to face some fears if you want to make real progress toward your goals and dreams. There’s no getting around it. Courage is an absolute must.

Building Your Courage

Fear melts when you face it head on. It really does. When you fail to face up to it, the fear grows and grows. Fear is really nothing but an illusion, but your thoughts make it seem real. When you realize it’s only illusion and run straight at it, the fear dissolves very quickly.

I learned this lesson in my late teens, albeit in a rather destructive way. I got hooked on shoplifting, and soon I was doing it almost every day for the thrill. The first time I shoplifted, I stole some cassette tapes from a music store. As I walked out of the store, my heart was racing so fast it was practically bursting out of my chest. But when I realized I’d gotten away with it, I breathed a huge sigh of relief, and then I felt amazing. I enjoyed an awesome surge of power for facing my fear and pushing right through it.

Eventually I reached the point where I could steal several hundred dollars worth of merchandise at a time from a major department store, and my heart wouldn’t skip a beat, even though I knew I’d be facing jail time if I got caught. I progressed from committing misdemeanor petty theft to felony grand theft and kept right on going. The bigger risk required more courage, but it also meant shedding more fear.

I noticed a similar effect the first time I got arrested. Initially I felt terrible and ashamed, but I recall that when I was sitting in the back of the police car as we drove to the police station, there was also this feeling of exhilaration. I was facing yet another fear, and I was still breathing and living through it. I knew I’d have to deal with some unpleasant stuff as a consequence of getting caught, but I believed I’d get through it okay, and I did.

Ironically, the more I got arrested, the bolder I became. Shoplifting became my form of courage training. Eventually I got to the point where the fourth time I got arrested — that time for felony grand theft — I was sitting in the back of the police car laughing out loud. The officer must have thought I was nuts. I was laughing because I was amused at life’s attempts to scare me. I realized that no matter what, I could always choose to be courageous, regardless of the consequences. I could stare in the face of very negative consequences and still move forward without hesitating.

Now obviously that was a rather destructive — not to mention illegal — way to develop courage, but it was certainly effective. That training has served me well ever since. It made other potential fears seem miniscule by comparison. For example, when I started my first business and went bankrupt, it just didn’t faze me. I kept right on going. How could I be worried about something like that when I could be sitting in jail? How can I possibly get worked up about a silly fear like running out of money?

A pattern I’ve noticed with many would-be Law of Attraction enthusiasts is that they often try to use the LoA as a substitute for courage. Instead of facing their fears head on, they shrink back and focus on forming and visualizing intentions, hoping they can somehow attract what they want without having to stretch beyond their comfort zone.

This approach really doesn’t work. People who attempt this simply end up attracting an abundance of frustration. Then they complain that the LoA doesn’t work.

For example, suppose you want to attract an intimate partner into your life. Does it make sense to sit on your couch holding the intention for this person to show up at your door? Well, it’s fine to do that, but not if you’re using it as a means of avoiding going outside and talking to people. If the people you want to meet are outside, and you’re sitting at home trying to manifest someone, there’s a disconnect somewhere, isn’t there?

You can’t fool the LoA. You r whole being is part of the attraction process. If you’re sending out a genuine intention on one channel, but you’re secretly worried about what fears you might have to face along the way, and you’re hoping to use the LoA as a magical shortcut to avoid facing those fears, then you’re still broadcasting fear on another channel. Your intention will simply fizzle out, and little or none of it will manifest.

On the other hand, when you hold a clear intention, and then you cooperate fully with that intention by stretching beyond your comfort zone to meet it head on, you’re going to find it manifesting right quick. When you broadcast your intention on one channel and move toward it with courageous action on another channel, you’re congruent. Your thoughts, feelings, and actions are in harmony.

Going back to our example of attracting a partner, it’s great to focus on attracting what you want. Sit on your couch and visualize you and your new partner having fun together and feeling a wonderful loving connection. It’s very nice to do this. But when you’re done, get off your butt, go outside, and meet people you find attractive. Your own body in motion is part of the manifestation process. If you don’t have the courage to go outside, how can you possibly pretend that you’re a vibrational match for your intention of connecting with a great partner? Were you hoping to date the next Jehovah’s Witness that knocks on your door?

Keep It Spicy

When you do something often enough, and it loses most of the mystery, it can become rather boring, even if you were once deathly afraid of it. In those situations it’s up to you to keep increasing the challenge to create new growth experiences. Turn it into a game, and have fun with it.

Earlier today I went with Erin to her Toastmasters club to watch her give a speech. She’s given many speeches at that club, but this time she was doing a new speech project unlike any she’d done previously. Her assignment was to tell a touching story that would impact the audience emotionally. She picked a story from when she was 12 years old and she discovered that a girl in her school was being physically abused. (The full story can be found on Erin’s blog right here.)

Since Erin never gave a speech about such an emotional topic before, it was hard for her to stay emotionally connected to the story without breaking down in tears. This kind of speech was outside her comfort zone, so she was nervous about it.

As Erin gave the speech, she got very emotional at certain points and began to cry, but instead of that being a problem, it only made the speech more impactful. The audience was deeply moved by the story, and many were wiping tears off their cheeks by the time Erin was done. Erin received many compliments from audience members afterwards.

Before the speech, however, Erin was having second thoughts. She asked, “Why did I volunteer to do this? I don’t feel good about this.” But afterwards, she felt elated. She was glad to have had the experience, and since then she’s been basking in that after-speech glow.

Life will occasionally nudge you in certain directions, but most of the time it’s up to you to step outside your comfort zone. If you stay inside your comfort zone for too long, you’ll begin to feel bored, apathetic, and disconnected. Life will feel like it doesn’t have much meaning. But when you push yourself to stretch boldly into the unknown, your senses light up, you become more centered and aware, you discover new talents, and you have a lot more fun in life.

Pick a Fear and Run Straight at It

Occasionally people contact me who are bored with their lives and don’t feel passionate about anything, and they ask me what to do. I often tell them to pick a fear and run straight at it. I encourage you to do the same. Pick a fear, and run straight at it — even if your pace looks more like a slow crawl. Move toward something that scares you. Your fears are the keys that unlock tremendous growth experiences.

You didn’t come here to hibernate. You came here to soar. But soaring may feel very uncomfortable if you’re used to hibernating. Don’t mistake that initial feeling of discomfort for something you should avoid. Take it as a signal that you’ve found something that really matters to you, and then pour your heart and soul into its pursuit.

Taking the Plunge

Saying yes to that first step can be very difficult. We have a tendency to fear the unknown. The mysterious seems like it could be dangerous. In most cases, however, there’s very little real danger.

Where are the edges of your comfort zone? What areas of potential growth do you think about constantly, but you feel very anxious about taking that first step? If you keep obsessing over it, that’s a pretty clear sign that it’s important to you. Can you envision a place where the unknown eventually becomes the known, and what was once scary to you eventually becomes fun?

Accept that you may be a bit scared and nervous, and say yes anyway. Once you commit yourself to stepping beyond your comfort zone, you may feel more stressed at first. You may even be freaked out for a while after hearing the word yes escape your lips. But making some kind of commitment is key. When you commit yourself to taking a step beyond your comfort zone, you’re giving yourself an incredible gift of growth. Your potential will grow, and your boundaries will expand. Things that were once impossible for you will gradually become possible… then probable… then certain.

One of the best ways to commit yourself is to sign up for a club, group, or activity where you’re expected to show up regularly. If you show up for it, you know you’ll be pushed beyond your comfort zone, and you will make gains over time.

If you fear public speaking, join Toastmasters International, and start going to club meetings. If you’re afraid of looking like a fool and having people laugh at you, join a local improv group. If you feel clumsy and awkward on a dance floor, sign up for a dance class. Make some kind of commitment whereby just showing up will push you to face your fears and grow past them.

It can be difficult to say yes when someone asks you to step outside your comfort zone. Your comfort zone is familiar and cozy. It’s safe and easy. You know what to expect. If you step outside it, who knows what might happen? Anything is possible. Things could go very badly. Do you really want to take that kind of risk? Why bother?

Saying Yes

I remember the first time I did a radio interview. It was about 10 years ago, and I was invited to talk about my computer games business for a small radio station. I didn’t know what to expect, so I wasn’t sure if I should do it. I said yes because I figured it would at least be a new experience for me. I felt a little anxious though. My mind started picturing all sorts of scenarios of how the interview might turn out. What if he asks me a question I can’t answer? What if I give incoherent answers? What if I start rambling, and he has to cut me off? I didn’t know what questions would be asked, so I couldn’t really prepare for it.

The interview was less than 10 minutes long, so we didn’t go into much depth, but it went okay. It felt good to do something I’d never done before.

The next time I was asked to do a radio interview, it was easier to agree to it. I’d already done it once, so how hard could it be to do it again? I said yes, and once again it went okay.

Further down the road, I got invites to do some newspaper and magazine interviews as well. And again I said yes. At one point the New York Times ran an article about successful indie games businesses. They featured me and one of my games in the piece and sent a photographer to my house to do a photo shoot for it. At the time I thought it was pretty cool to have my photo published in a major newspaper. It didn’t do anything special for my business, but it was a nice motivational boost.

I kept saying yes to interviews. When I started my personal development blog in 2004, I started getting more interview requests. For the first few years, I probably did 1-2 interviews per month on average.

Then when my book came out in October 2008, I quickly started getting a lot more interview requests, mostly for radio and Internet radio shows. For a while I was doing 5-6 interviews per week, and then it slowly tapered off to about 1-2 per week. I’ve probably done at least 100 interviews in the past year. That’s ironic in a way because my blog is still way more popular than my book (by a few orders of magnitude), but being a published author is seen as more credible in certain circles than having a high traffic website.

Since I write and speak about many different topics, I get interview requests on a wide variety of subjects — personal growth, my book, relationships, health, raw food diet, the Law of Attraction, habit change, career development, financial abundance, spirituality, blogging, Internet marketing, starting and running a business, working from home, time management and productivity, and lots more. I even did an interview a few weeks ago where we talked about shoplifting for 30 minutes. I quite enjoy the variety. I think I’d be pulling my hair out if every interview was about the exact same thing.

This week I did two interviews: a 75-minute phone interview on blogging for a live webinar and a 40-minute in-person video interview on psychic development. Erin and I did the second interview together.

At one point doing interviews was outside my comfort zone. The first time was a stretch. It didn’t feel comfortable or safe.

Fast forward 10 years though, and doing interviews is easily within my comfort zone, even if it’s for a live audience of millions. It’s easy because I’ve done it so many times before. The unknown has become the known.

Several years ago, I preferred to get the interview questions in advance (for a live or taped interview), since then I could prepare. But now I ask the interviewer not to send me the questions in advance. I prefer to go into it not knowing what to expect, so I can be more present and spontaneous. Having the questions in advance spoils the fun.

Years ago I favored written interviews since then I could take the time to craft intelligent answers. But now I’d much rather do phone or face-to-face interviews. They’re a lot faster and a lot more fun.

Looking back, it’s hard to imagine that I was once trepidatious about doing interviews, especially since I enjoy them and look forward to them. If I never stepped outside my comfort zone, I’d be missing out a lot of fun. Some part of me would have remained grossly underdeveloped.

Now when I do interviews, I can often tell when the person interviewing me feels a little uncomfortable or nervous. Many times I have more experience doing interviews than they do. If they seem a bit hesitant or robotic, I try to put them at ease and draw them out a little more by prompting them for reactions. Even though I’m the one being interviewed, I’ve learned how to interact creatively with the show hosts to stimulate more lively and interesting discussion for the listeners. That’s quite a shift from where I was 10 years ago, and it all began with making the decision to step outside my comfort zone.

Daily Practice

If you want to enjoy the flow-back of financial abundance, then forget about money for a while. Money is an effect, not a cause. If you focus on trying to make money, you’re putting the cart before the horse.

Instead, focus your attention on creating and delivering value. Make it part of your daily routine, so it becomes a habit.

Don’t overcomplicate this. Creating value for someone really isn’t that difficult. If you don’t know where to begin, then start small. Offer to give someone a massage. Send a few people nice emails telling them what you appreciate about them. Offer to babysit someone’s kids while they go out on a date. Start doing the sorts of things that people will thank you for.

Make this a daily habit. Every day ask yourself, What can I do to create value for someone today? Then go do it, and make sure you deliver that value as soon as possible — ideally on the same day you create it.

Don’t allow more than a few days to go by without creating and delivering some form of value. If you slack off, your creative flow will begin to atrophy, and it will feel unusually difficult to engage in creative work. But if you make this a daily practice, your creative energies will keep getting stronger, and it will feel very natural to keep the flow going.

Do NOT get stuck in your head. Don’t get caught up daydreaming about all the different things you could do to create value. Don’t start writing out grand plans and creating spreadsheets. Those activities may seem intelligent, but they don’t actually create or deliver any real value. All they do is keep you stuck where you are.

Make the commitment to create and deliver some form of value to people as a daily habit. One day you might write and post a new article for your blog. The next day you might simply offer some encouragement to a friend. And another day you might make a nice dinner for your significant other, followed by a relaxing massage.

It’s perfectly fine to work on big projects — projects that may involve creating value that won’t be delivered for months or years to come. But those big projects are no substitute for the daily practice of creating and delivering value. If you stop delivering value for too long, the flow-back of abundance will soon dry up as well. This has happened to me several times when I got caught up working on big projects and failed to maintain my daily practice.

Creating and delivering value is like physical exercise. You can work on a big project like planning and constructing your own home gym, and that may indeed benefit you in the long run, but it doesn’t mean you should slack off on daily exercise while the gym is being built. Maintain the habit of daily exercise even while your gym is still in the planning stage. Then you can upgrade your exercise routine when the new gym is ready.

Similarly, even as you work on big projects from time to time, keep maintaining the daily habit of creating and delivering value. This will keep you in the flow of abundance. Because you’re always giving, you’ll always be receiving. Once you’ve got this habit going strong, then you can tackle some of those bigger projects that will deliver even more value. But no matter what, make sure the daily practice remains intact.

Building Your Skills

Creating value is a skill. Delivering value is a skill too. Don’t expect to master either of these skills right out of the gate. It takes practice and effort to become competent. It takes even more practice to develop expertise. There’s no entitlement here, so get that silly notion out of your mind.

If you want to get good at anything, you must practice it for years. In the beginning you will almost certainly stink. That’s okay. Beginners are supposed to stink. But don’t give up. Realize that you must begin as a white belt if you wish to become a black belt. And if you’re going to train for such a long period of time, you’d better fall in love with the sport.

In order to get good at delivering value, I spent many years working on my communication skills. I trained myself to become a decent writer. People sometimes ask me how they can become better writers or bloggers. I advise them to write a thousand articles or short stories over a period of several years, and post them for free like I did. Then listen to the feedback from readers, and keep making small adjustments to improve. That’s my honest answer, but of course some people would prefer a quick fix they can implement right away. The best quick fix I can offer is to adopt a solid work ethic and to stick with it for years.

I got a C+ grade on my first high school English essay. That was upsetting to me because I worked hard on it, but a C+ level of quality was the best I could do. I was a natural at math, but writing was difficult for me; I just wasn’t very good at it. However, I committed to working hard so I could get good at it, and more than two decades later, I’m able to create and deliver a lot of social value as a writer. That’s because I put in the effort to learn the craft of writing. It largely came down to lots of hard work and practice. Five years from now I’ll be an even better writer because I’ll continue practicing the craft, listening to feedback, and refining my skills. And take note that the refinement process is focused on getting better at creating value for other people. I don’t put much effort into learning new skills that won’t help me express value that people actually care about.

It’s fine to do other work to pay your bills on the side while you’re building your skill at creating and delivering value. By all means take care of your needs. But don’t get so caught up in making a living that you lose sight of the big picture. If you really want to experience abundance, then you’ll want to master at least one form of value creation and delivery that you enjoy.

Talk Is Cheap

Now you may be thinking, this is easier said than done. And of course that’s true. So focus on the doing, not on the saying.

Talking about what you’re going to do doesn’t create or deliver any value. Nor does thinking about it. At some point you have to engage your creative energies and take action.

Quite often people feel compelled to tell me about what they’re going to do. Sometimes their ideas are quite compelling, but only rarely do those same people follow through and actually implement them. And of course they don’t receive any flow-back of abundance because talking about the ideas doesn’t deliver any real value.

How much value is being delivered when you talk about the business you’re going to start, the song you’re going to compose, or the product you’re going to create? None whatsoever. So why bother talking about it at all? It’s fine to talk about it if you’re actually going to do it, but make sure that your talk doesn’t become a substitute for action. If you keep talking and not doing, perhaps it’s better to shut up about it. I rarely talk about the articles I’m going to write because I know that doesn’t create any value. The value only gets delivered when I publish something. So instead of talking, I prefer to get busy writing.

My philosophy of financial abundance is fairly simple. I focus on two specific areas.

The first area is creating social value. “Social value” is something that other people consider worthwhile. If I consider it worthwhile, but no one else does, I can still do it, but I wouldn’t expect it to have much impact on my finances or my experience of abundance.

When I focus on creating social value, I don’t always succeed. Sometimes I create something that no one seems to value but me. But I learn from those failures and try again. With enough attempts I eventually create something that’s a decent hit. This means that a reasonable number of people consider my creation to be of value to them. In my case that creation could be an article, a speech, a podcast, or more recently a 3-day workshop.

The second area I focus on is delivering value. It’s not enough to create value and just let it sit there. I know I have to get it into people’s hands in order for the value to be received. Many people are good at creating value, but they’re lousy at delivering it to people, so they remain stuck in financial scarcity.

I could very well hand-deliver my creations to one person at a time, but that wouldn’t be very efficient. So I favor delivery methods that allow lots of people to receive my creative output at the same time. One good way to do that is to use the Internet. I can post an article, a podcast, or a video on my website, and people can receive that value for years to come. Or I can do a speech or workshop and share the same message with a group of people.

It’s true that you can provide much deeper value if you deliver it to one person at a time. For example, it would be hard to give a decent massage to 100 people in a single day. But if you can identify the core essence of the value you’re creating and find a way to deliver it to many more people, you’ll be able to get a lot more value into people’s hands, and consequently, you’re going to enjoy a much greater flow-back of abundance. So instead of giving people massages one at a time, if you can train other people to give great massages, you’ll be putting a lot more potential value out there.

You’ll be compensated for the value you’re actually delivering. So if you desire more compensation, then push yourself to get your value into the hands of more and more people. Otherwise you’re holding back the expression of your own greatness. Don’t be selfish with your value. Go out and share it!

Creating Flow

When you get good at creating and delivering value — such that lots of people are receiving it — you’ll soon discover that value flows back to you as well. That flow-back may come in the form of money (i.e. people paying you for your service), or it could appear as new opportunities that enable you to enjoy more abundance in your life — or both. As long as you’re putting out a solid flow of value creation and delivery, you’ll eventually enjoy some kind of flow-back.

This is a good place to be. As you begin to observe the relationship between delivering value to people and receiving value in return, you can choose to increase the flow of your output and thereby increase the flow-back of abundance. You can accomplish this by getting better at creating value (i.e. learn to create more value in less time), or you can do it by delivering your value to more people (i.e. reach more people in less time). Ideally you’ll do a little of both — create stronger value and get it into the hands of more people.

A common productivity tip is to plan each day in advance, preferably the night before. But how exactly do you do this? How do you know which items to put on your next day’s to-do list?

If you aren’t careful, self-delusion can creep into your planning process. It’s tempting to put items on your task list that you think you’ll enjoy as opposed to those you really want to see completed and checked off. You may also end up jotting down too many items that seem urgent but which really don’t need to be done at all.

In order to plan each day intelligently, it’s wise to begin at the end. Imagine that it’s already the end of the day you’re aiming to plan. That day is now behind you.

As you look back on your day, you feel fantastic. You know you did your best. You think to yourself, “Wow… what an amazing day this was! I wish every day could be this wonderful.”

You feel great because you completed what you most wanted to get done. You’re now enjoying the afterglow of a day well spent.

If you do this quick exercise, it helps you clarify that each day is an investment. Some activities squander your time while others help you build a better life.

You can extend this process to weekly and monthly planning as well. Project yourself to the end of that time period, and look back with feelings of gratitude. Again, you know you did your best. You feel great about all that you accomplished.

Now as you look back, what do you see? What is it you feel great about? Which items did you check off your task list that left you feeling so satisfied?

Task completion feels good. You know that when you do your best and get a lot done, you feel great at the end of the day. You may feel tired and spent, but that afterglow is unmistakable. Similarly, you know that when you waste a day on trivialities, you don’t feel as good afterwards. You may look back and wonder where the time went and hope that tomorrow will be better. But hope isn’t a very positive feeling; hope is what you’ll find at the border between disappointment and desperation.

Start with the feeling you want to experience at the end of your days, weeks, and months. Get yourself to that place emotionally. Then project that feeling backwards in time and get a sense of the momentum that spawned it. That feeling arises when you’re in a state of flow, steadily completing the tasks that are most important to you.

This process won’t turn you into a workaholic. An unbalanced day will leave you feeling unbalanced afterwards. What you want to aim for is a smooth, flowing, productive day that balances your personal and professional life — the kind of day that will leave you feeling terrific if it becomes your default way of living.

As you project backwards in time, write down the tasks you imagine yourself completing during the day. Don’t think about what you’re doing with your time moment by moment. Simply focus on the miniature milestones. What did you actually get done? Why does that matter to you? How did you feel when you finished?

For example, instead of seeing yourself processing your day’s email, imagine the boost you feel from seeing your inbox empty and closing your email program. Instead of seeing yourself writing a blog post, imagine the feeling you get from clicking “Publish.” What are the milestones throughout your day? Identify those, and you’ll have your to-do list. Your to-do list consists of the action steps you need to take to generate those milestones.

A single day’s task list is usually short, typically 3-7 items. If you have more than 7 items, you’re probably overdoing it. You may be focusing too much on trivialities that seem urgent but which aren’t really important. Significant tasks normally require thought and concentration for extended periods. Those also tend to be the tasks that give you the greatest emotional boost when you finish them.

Focusing on the feelings is a quick way to cut through your mental clutter and get a sense of what really needs to be done right now. At any given time, you may have dozens of eligible tasks vying for your attention, but you obviously can’t do them all at once.

There are multiple successful and unsuccessful versions of each day. Some versions of your day will leave you feeling wonderful afterwards, and some will leave you feeling disappointed. You don’t have to be perfect in making the right choices here. You’ll eventually get to those other important tasks that didn’t make the cut for the next day’s list, and the exact order in which you do them may not be a big deal. The big deal is the habit you establish, the habit of flowing through each day doing what needs to be done and feeling great about your accomplishments.

You’ll probably find that when you apply this process for a few days in a row, your daily, weekly, and monthly tasks lists will become shorter, more focused, and more challenging. You’ll be less likely to put non-essential tasks on your lists because those don’t leave you feeling that you did your best at the end of the day. You’ll start incorporating tasks that truly matter to you, tasks you really want to see completed, so you can enjoy the results of having them done.